Below are two videos: one shot today and one shot three weeks ago. I just came across the one from three weeks ago today and realized that it showed me at my lowest, at a place where I can end up when I am experiencing a great deal of gender dysphoria. I am sharing it because it is vulnerable and it shows the difficult aspects of being transgender. I spend a lot of time on this blog celebrating my transition (a greatly positive experience), but I want this space to be a full and honest reflection of all aspects of transitioning. Please watch the intro video first for more context.
My five-month update is coming soon. Due to a crazy work situation I’ve been unable to post, but have my pics and video all set to go. One small preview–this month is the month that I finally got (barely) more sirs than ma’ams. Check back soon!
I am so lucky to be here at the Philly Trans Health Conference. I’m here to learn (and I’ve been learning a ton, so mission accomplished). I am in awe of how it feels to be in a trans/nonbinary majority space. To walk the halls with people of all combinations of gender identity and gender expressions. And to feel so normal and empowered by all of it. It’s also nice not to be the shortest guy in the room for once.
There are also so many heroes here. Legal and political advocates, policy makers, academics, activists, medical professionals, and so many others that help trans people achieve recognitions, acceptance, and access to basic services and accommodations. Thank you to everyone I’ve met–you’re my heroes.
Three months! 1/4 of a year! I haven’t seen much change this month, other than my voice getting a notch deeper (and getting lots of questions about if I have a cold), and a few very faint chin hairs. But I’ve been focused more on life changes this month than physical changes. My official name change order came in the mail yesterday, so I am now legally Austin Elliot. I’ve been making arrangements to come out at work, and I’m also thinking about how to come out on Facebook in two weeks.
Three people in my immediate workplace know I’m transitioning: my HR rep, my immediate supervisor, and one trusted colleague. So far I have only come out via one-on-one conversations. At work, I fear having too many individual conversations will simply get the rumor mill turning, which is not how I want people finding out. I don’t think transition is gossip-worthy, but I imagine many other people do. I want to manage the flow of information and maintain control of my own coming out.
My plan was: