Hard to believe that one year ago today I was getting my first T shot. Since then, so much more has happened. I’ve come out, lived as a man, had top surgery, and failed at growing a beard. This month I was taken as a man wherever I went. There were no “ma’ams” and the “sirs” were profuse and confident.
This month has been this little blue circle of happiness:
But check out how that’s progressed over the last year:
Pretty steady to where I am now.
The combination of the changes from the testosterone and the top surgery have been incredibly satisfying. I had the experience of seeing my face in a shop mirror yesterday and not realizing right away that I was looking at myself and not some random guy.
Is it what I expected? Honestly, it’s hard to remember exactly what I expected. It’s been slow and steady progress, and I see a long road ahead if the changes continue at this pace. But I’m fine with that. I’m out of the in-between world of second adolescence (despite my teen facial hair.)
God, what a god-awful week. The election result caught me off-guard and reminded me how fragile trans progress is. I don’t know what will come in the next four years, but it feels utterly bleak. Not just for LGBTQ people, but for immigrants, Muslims, and people of any color other than lily-white.
But I won’t miss my nine-month progress report. I had a week where I traveled abroad recently and where I was able to go semi-stealth. This was in Central America, and while I passed perfectly, I was called “joven” a lot, so I probably passed as a 12-year-old. That’s fine.
I noticed a small regression this month in how often I was called “sir” overall. Could be due to layering up as it gets colder. Could also be due to weight gain. I’ve been stress eating a lot this month.
This will be the last month with me having to wear a binder to pose! Top surgery happens in T-minus 10 days. I’ll post separately on that a few times and also on my experience traveling. Comparison pics and video after the jump.
As of yesterday, I’ve been on testosterone for eight months. My belly is getting very fuzzy. Of course that doesn’t show up in the pictures. I have to shave my face more frequently, and my stubble prickles my neck at night when I’m falling asleep. Aside from a little more hair, the changes I see from month-to-month now are so minute they don’t seem worth mentioning. But they must make a cumulative difference; almost everyone called me sir this month, if they chose to address me.
I’ve been bad about working out now that I don’t have easy access to a gym. I have a goal to be in decent shape before my surgery. I will be off T for three weeks around the surgery and want to minimize the dysphoria from that. I won’t be able to work out for eight weeks following surgery and don’t want to start off excessively soft. I also want to be able to look at myself post-surgery and see satisfying results. So looking at my body in my skivvies this month, I feel a bit self-critical. Pics and video after the jump.
I’ve been so negligent on the blog due to the crushing weight of real-life obligations. Oh well, I’ll try to do better, I promise! This month has felt pretty much the same as last month. Not much new is going on physically except that my belly is getting kind of furry.
I have on and off days for being gendered correctly. I wish I knew what makes the difference. But it’s still steady progress.
This month I’ve had so many med appointments for various reasons, all involving bloodwork. I’m starting to feel like a pin cushion. Next week I’ll get a readout on my current T levels. (Haha, one of the one times large numbers aren’t a bad sign on a blood test.) Last time they were still below the normal male range, so I’d like to see them a bit higher. I’ll also (hopefully) get a clearance from a hematologist that will let me schedule my top surgery.
Pre-T to seven months photos/video after the jump.
A milestone and a tipping point! This month, as you can see from the ma’am/sir graph, it is far more common to be called sir than ma’am (even on the phone), and with my voice approaching barritone levels, three people have corrected ma’ams to sirs after I spoke.
I keep eating like a horse and gaining weight. I know I have to do better for the sake of my cholesterol, but the testosterone turns me into an eating machine. Other than that, the physical changes continue to be gradual. My legs are hairy, my arms are not. I haven’t shaved my face this month to get an idea of how my beard is coming in. As you can see it’s a bit…underwhelming.
Five months on testosterone. Time is flying. I have a little random facial stubble and hairy thighs. I get more sirs than ma’ams (barely).
I can do the deep voices when I read bedtime stories to my daughter, and my voice cracks when I do the high ones. I have days that I wake up with a lot of dysphoria, but more and more where I go around feeling pretty normal and natural. I’ve graduated from chin-ups and I can finally now do a pull up. Every month I hope to get serious about diet and exercise, and then life gets in the way. And this month has been a doozy.
My five-month update is coming soon. Due to a crazy work situation I’ve been unable to post, but have my pics and video all set to go. One small preview–this month is the month that I finally got (barely) more sirs than ma’ams. Check back soon!
I’m a day late and a dollar short. My physical transition is at a very slow crawl. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to discuss my lab results (which shows a testosterone level of 165–short of what’s normal in the average man). I hope that means we can increase the dose some. I’ve also gotten a bit fat between stress eating and celebratory eating. Fat feminizes my features and makes me paranoid that I’m producing more estrogen.
Three months! 1/4 of a year! I haven’t seen much change this month, other than my voice getting a notch deeper (and getting lots of questions about if I have a cold), and a few very faint chin hairs. But I’ve been focused more on life changes this month than physical changes. My official name change order came in the mail yesterday, so I am now legally Austin Elliot. I’ve been making arrangements to come out at work, and I’m also thinking about how to come out on Facebook in two weeks.