“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.”
William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure
Two days before my top surgery, I looked down at my chest and questioned–for the first time in a year–whether I should keep my body the way it was. I felt my breasts, weighed them in my hands, coaxed myself to like them. I couldn’t muster any emotion about my breasts, but still I found myself wondering if I would regret the surgery.
This wasn’t the first time on the transition path that I’d encountered doubt. It cropped up every time I was on the cusp of a step in the transition that had a feeling of finality. Starting testosterone, changing my name, coming out publicly, surgery–all of these steps made me start the process from the very beginning.
So a few things are different about this monthly update . The main event this month was my top surgery. I was pretty much a recluse all month, so my 100% success rate in being “sirred” is due to the fact that I was addressed as anything a whopping one time. The other thing is that this month, my hormonal changes ground to a halt because I was off testosterone for three of the four weeks (surgeon’s orders). I only now feel like I’m getting back to normal.
But the good news is that all the tape on my chest incisions came off and this is the first month I can share totally topless progress photos. The bad news is that after several weeks of inactivity and stuffing my face, I got pretty fat. Three more weeks before I can hit the gym.
Yesterday was the day! First, I could finally take a T shot after over three weeks without. Then, I had my appointment to take off the huge stack of bandages I had wrapped around my chest and got to see my results for the first time. Here’s how my surgery and recovery went.