On Doubt

“Our doubts are traitors,
and make us lose the good we oft might win,
by fearing to attempt.”

William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

Two days before my top surgery, I looked down at my chest and questioned–for the first time in a year–whether I should keep my body the way it was.  I felt my breasts, weighed them in my hands, coaxed myself to like them.  I couldn’t muster any emotion about my breasts, but still I found myself wondering if I would regret the surgery.

This wasn’t the first time on the transition path that I’d encountered doubt.  It cropped up every time I was on the cusp of a step in the transition that had a feeling of finality.  Starting testosterone, changing my name, coming out publicly, surgery–all of these steps made me start the process from the very beginning.

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10 Months on T (first post-op monthly update)

So a few things are different about this monthly update . The main event this month screen-shot-2016-12-12-at-7-25-22-pmwas my top surgery.  I was pretty much a recluse all month, so my 100% success rate in being “sirred” is due to the fact that I was addressed as anything a whopping one time.  The other thing is that this month, my hormonal changes ground to a halt because I was off testosterone for three of the four weeks (surgeon’s orders).  I only now feel like I’m getting back to normal.

But the good news is that all the tape on my chest incisions came off and this is the first month I can share totally topless progress photos.  The bad news is that after several weeks of inactivity and stuffing my face, I got pretty fat.  Three more weeks before I can hit the gym.

Pics and video after the jump.

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