Nervous

Tomorrow is my two-month anniversary, which means comparison pics and video. Yay, I guess. But this month I’m really nervous about what I’ll see. The last few days when I’ve looked in the mirror, I’ve seen a lot more flab on my hips, thighs, and butt and less definition around my face.

I don’t remember feeling this nervous about it last month. I remember not anticipating visible changes, and being pleased that I saw some. This month I’m convinced that all the change I saw last month has been completely wiped out.

There are three alternative explanations for this:

1) The initial changes were imagined, the perceived regression is a product of that: In my excitement to start testosterone, I was imagining changes that weren’t there and so what I’m seeing now isn’t regression, it’s just a more realistic perspective.

2) The initial changes were real, and the regression is imagined: Maybe I did change, and maybe I’m still changing, but as a result of insecurity and dysphoria it’s harder for me to see those changes.

3) The initial changes were real, and the regression is also real: This is what I fear. That my levels are somehow messed up, and when I look at my comparison pictures tomorrow, I will look less transformed than at the one-month mark.

Tomorrow is the moment of truth.

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3 comments

  1. Kai · April 11, 2016

    Good luck buddy!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. trannyredneck · April 11, 2016

    Oh man, same. I talked to my doc and some friends about it and was assured that the changes tend to come in waves. You will plateau at times. Sometimes things will slip back momentarily, but mostly you’ve probably just become used to the differences already. Keep breathing, go for a walk, and take care of yourself today. They’re coming, the changes. You got this.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: 2 Months on T! | T Minus Zero

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