So I’ve Made A Decision

Hello world.  My name is Austin.

Well, my name isn’t Austin yet.  But I’ve made a decision that it will be.  After three and a half decades of using a different name connoting a different sex, and being called other names like daughter, sister, wife, mother, Miss and Ms, I have decided to make a change and become Austin.

I was planning to launch a blog on my first day of testosterone.  But I think that the pre-T work has been considerable, deeply introspective, and fucking hard.  From the many people I’ve talked to in therapy, support groups, and online forums, it’s one of the most difficult hurdles.  “Am I? Should I? Am I not?” are questions that have been running through my head for almost a year now.  So even before we hit T day, there’s already more than enough to talk about.

flsaifd

I know, blogs are so 2006.  But I’m old, and that’s the point, really.  Throughout my online research, I’ve come across countless handsome, young, self-assured trans guys with vibrant and informative YouTube channels.  But what about those of us who were slower on the uptake?  Those with three-plus decades of living as women under our belts, those with kids and careers and mountains of self doubt? Those of us who move slowly and carefully without the convenient arrogance of youth under our wings?

This blog is for us.  If it goes undiscovered, it will at least be a record of my process.  If someone out there like me finds it, I hope it helps.

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5 comments

  1. Stofleth · January 9, 2016

    OMG! I so can totally relate to this article. Im 43 with a wife, 2 teens and a 5 year old and I’m transitioning (FTM). Questioning my sanity around this all of the time. Watching my children go through what they are going through for their ages and then me who is, on purpose, tring to go through male puberty but not quite there yet. What a journey it already has been. Im not even on T yet! lol Thank you for sharing your story.

    Like

  2. Fredrication · January 31, 2016

    Welcome to the blogging tribe of FtMs!

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. kindasortamaybetrans · June 4, 2016

    Hi! I’m 36 and am in a similar situation (married, career, no kids though), but I’m still questioning whether or not I want to transition or stay non-binary. We have a friend in common – Matty. If you’d like, you can check out my blog at https://kindasortamaybetrans.wordpress.com.

    Like

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